If something is ‘old as fuck’ then it’s about 1.2 billion years old because that’s when life evolved sexual reproduction.
However, if something is “old as balls” it’s only about 65 million years old, when placental mammals began to evolve proper testicles.
wHEN PEOPLE ASK YOU WHAT YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION IS AND THEN JUDGE ME WHEN I SAY IT’S MY MACBOOK WOW SORRY DID YOU WANT ME TO SAY A LOCKET MY GREAT AUNT ALICE’S GRANDFATHER’S SON HANDCRAFTED FROM KING ARTHUR’S SWORD WELDED WITH PHOENIX TEARS AND THE BLOOD OF A WOOD NYMPH NO OKAY I FUCKING LOVE MY MACBOOK NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH HOW I CAN SCROLL WITH TWO FUCKING FINGERS OKAY THAT”S BETTER THAN ANY LOCKET
Jeez you guys, i passed 10,000 followers on this dang ol’ Tumblr this morning! I haven’t been Tumbling that long and i’m just happy people are into what i do (or are following me out of spite, fueled by an undying rage, ‘cause that’s cool too). I shall do my best not to disappoint.
(I don’t mean this to be braggy, i really don’t, i just genuinely appreciate the interest and this is faster than writing 10,000 thank yous)
And just thank you all for being super nice. In all this time i’ve never gotten a mean note or message and i’ve gotten so many nice ones. If you ever wrote me and i never responded i promise i read it and i’m sorry i was too big a jerk that day to reply.
You all are the best :)